My (Non)Fitness Journey (So Far)

It started in school, the teacher told me I could run fast so she put me in the best teams for the relay races on sports day, we always won. We always knew we would win. Long legs galloping across the field in the baking heat, with infinite energy reserves, we could run home afterward.

It was a few years later when I attempted to run the full length of a football pitch and got too tired half way, in fact I don’t even think I made it half way. I’d certainly lost my level of fitness from childhood. I took up yoga at the leisure centre, and loved it but no one else did and I couldn’t bring myself to go alone, when I couldn’t hear the instructor I relied on others to get the next move right. That was the end of that.

Then, the Nintendo Wii craze began, and I started to pick up my longevity again because that was fun exercise. I maintained a slim but healthy body, I think I was mid-teens then. I remember my accompanying strict diet of Evian and salads. I was a bit of a strange kid and felt embarrassed buying junk food for some reason that no one knows, so I did live on healthy foods a lot, but also I had bad acne and thought it would help my skin – it didn’t.

When the Wii Fit fad died off I made the terrible mistake of not replacing it with anything else, I still walked to college and back everyday but it wasn’t enough. When I moved on to university, it was more of the same, walking and bits of healthy food, I was still a size ten so I was happy.

The dreaded first car. When I finished university and to improve my chances of finding work I got my first car. It’s all over now. I could drive to McDonalds! Seriously, if I could put all together the amount of chicken nuggets I have consumed since 2010 because of my car, I think I’d throw up. I met my fiancé a year later, he liked pizza and beer and regular chocolate. Once again I did no exercise, I began to get comfortable but this was also a time I became extremely unhappy with my body, and with other aspects of my life, so what did I do? I ate, and drove, and ate….

Now, I never had good knees, at least not since my growth spurt, but they started to buckle under the extra weight, it was starting to hurt to walk and sometimes driving hurt a little. I had to do something. This takes me up to the last couple of months, and I joined a gym – women only – I paid £4 to do the best I could to get some vague level of healthy. I went only once a week though but in my eyes that was better than nothing but gyms become so boring, but I found that I was catching a cold every week, it was making me more tired, not energised and I felt like something was wrong so I felt I had to stop. I haven’t been back since, I only occasionally walk about and I did a little ten minute jog in the pouring rain and almost suffocated in my sports bra. It became so hard to breathe I thought I’d caused my lungs to collapse for a second, what the hell?!

I think I push myself too hard in short spaces of time, as I’m getting older I would probably be better suited to making small changes, and controlling my diet more carefully. I have been doing mini yoga stints while watching the evening news, I’ve switched to ‘light’ everything in food and condiments and I think that’s the best I may get for a while without making myself constantly unwell.

Current MeasurementsAge: 28

Bust: 36″

Waist: 31″

Hips: 45″

Size: 12-14

Weight: 11.2st

Goal Measurements

Age: 22 (pa-ha)

Bust: 34″

Waist: 28″

Hips: 40″

Size: 10-12

Weight: 9.5-10st

Wedding Dress Shopping For The Anti-Girl

Did I mention that I got engaged?!?!

Yes, last month my guy got down on one knee and committed to being skint for five years for me! It was a perfect day, he bought me roses, and we hopped on the train into the city for Starbucks and to choose my ring. Which I was ecstatic about the fact that I could get it sized there and then and take it home with me.

My solitaire diamond echoes mine and his agreement to host a simple traditional wedding ceremony for our close family. White dresses and all…. I was never that kind of girl, I never dreamt of a glittery wedding day, never desired to be the centre of attention and never desired to spend that much money on one day. It’s just not me.

We have quite some time to prepare ourselves, two years to be exact, but it didn’t stop my sister from booking an appointment at a bridal store last week. I didn’t get those tingly feelings when I saw them hanging from the rails, I didn’t marvel at their huge collection of lace trimmed, embroidered frocks and I certainly didn’t have to catch my breath when I stood in a wedding dress for the first time. I had to hobble into it in my black bra and pants, feeling uncomfortable half naked in front of a random stranger. 

Wedding dress shopping has been my worst nightmare ever since he proposed.

That being said I did find a favourite (not the one pictured here), I chose the most flattering, but a style I never thought I’d go for. Before I arrived I had in my head that I wanted simple, no train, nothing to trip me up, arms covered, and what did I pick? The most princess-like dress that I tried! It was a champagne colour, lace bodice with shoulder straps and an open back. The opposite of what I thought I wanted. A three foot train protruded with pearl buttons and crystals, my arms were all out, my waist was cinched in, I was sold. At £1450 it was much cheaper than I thought but with only slightly less than two years until the day I could not commit unfortunately.

I take away the knowledge that I know which style suits me and exactly what to zone in on when the ocassion calls for it, but I am still reluctant to go back for a second try on. Although the girl made us quite comfortable, offered tea and didn’t once rush us out the door, I still felt so very uncomfortable standing and looking at myself in full length mirrors for long periods of time and all I did was find the dress that made me look the thinnest, but not what is truly me.


All I Want For Christmas… I Got

The most wonderful time of the year is breaking your neck to get the best presents for the people you love, and to see them open them and watch as a wave of happiness washes over them. It is humbling to buy slippers for relatives and find them utterly ecstatic at the thought of comfortable feet. This is the joys of being older and more simpler gifts being a pleasure to unwrap. Socks, pyjamas, dressing gowns, all things designed for comfort and warmth.

My family wanted this for me and I was grateful, I unwrapped fur lined slippers and fluffy dressing gowns and pyjamas with polar bears on them. I got socks and candles and quite a selection of perfumes. My real techniques make up brushes were a surprise from someone that I didn’t think knew me well and funky little trinkets that I wouldn’t think to buy myself but absolutely love. My sister bought me YSL make up, my mother Dior fragrance, my aunt Versace miniatures. All these wonderful gifts designed to make me happy, comfortable and feeling good.

I’ll tell you the one and only thing that meant the most to me amidst all the wonderful presents and gift vouchers, money and chocolates, the one thing that stood out and brought a tear to my eye. A card.

It was a card with ‘Daughter’ written on the front from a man who is not my father and has never desired to be, but who I’ve always craved acceptance and pride from. A man who, this Christmas it seems, finds me equal to his own flesh and blood for the first time in nineteen years. That card that cost £1.50 maybe, meant everything to me. That was truly Christmas as I’d never experienced it before.


We become very blind in the weeks before Christmas, stressed and running about buying presents for our loved ones, we forget in the bath of consumerism that simple things mean the most and this Christmas the simplest things made my world complete.

Enjoy the rest of 2016 and have a fabulous New Year.